so you plunged in, or i did, repeatedly. now what?
is this wilder?
lots could be, a vast variety of possibles. choose wisely.
go in first
the going in phase, the inward journey, is one of knowing and meeting needs, or mourning the unmeeting of those needs. celebration is always welcome.
one travels inward to find the stillpoint, that locale where spaciousness, enough safety, and a sense of Awe collide in violentless Silence, Wild Stillness.
we are welcome there anytime, within.
i know the scary parts of plunging into one's own self. i know that memories haunt and demons remain undislodged, so i only advocate going as slowly as feels safely possible. no more than earnestly explore your inner worlds.
to look for, safely
what's to find inside? space, if one breathes a lot every day, as practice and as enquiry, space to behold the myriad floating bits, new thoughts shooting out of electron jumps, sensations absorbed by flesh and nerve and bloodstreams filled with bits of information, that will be read at various points, cell to cell, throughout the body.
there are fears and bad dreams, sometimes as big and as cold as a glacier towering miles above you, so close you can reach out and touch that massive effacing wall of ice, and maybe your own warmth will melt a print into the frozen hopes.
let your inner eye become bigger still, larger than the glacier, larger than the canyons two tectonic glaciers make, bigger by two or three orders of magnitude, till you can behold all your swirlings, and see them each for what they are.
it's a discernible mess, inside each of us. it may take great care to elicit enough clarity that it's possible to tease apart what is true from what is useless, within our mind and body.
so too we can look into our own hearts, and find there the conduit through which we are eternally and always connected w/ the great Divine, the Source, All Love...
the reason to get bigger is so the scary things inside look smaller, and diminish as the vista grows.
the safety chat
as i come out of most recent disorders of depression and ptsd, i have moments where i feel i can let down my guard and live with life exactly as it comes. those moments are no longer rare, though certainly not frequent by any means, at least yet.
i feel in those moments that i am reaching the inside of the spirals, the stillpoint at the core of my very self. that's rad, to get there, feel that.
so safety then is requisite for the journey in, and that's why it's about needs. as our needs are met, we feel safer. as we meet our needs, and grow ever safer, we open space and time for enjoying being alive, for dancing and making love, for creating with our own hands those miracles that our hearts can create simply out of the desire to share the Joy, one to another.
what we find may not delight us; it may disturb whatever sense of stability we had cobbled together out of dreams, memories, and sensory interpretations. but it's real in there, and the glaciers of sadness that may wish for melting or mere recognition are only part of the universe within.
we are thoughts of All Love, beloved, temporary, in search of meaning, in search of delight and gratefulness. Of course, our innermost selves live always and forever, and All Love will always welcome us Home again one day, so worry not. Plunge in to your precious life and explore. Follow your heart, as if you were acting on behalf of all the Love in the universe.
our lives are like currents in a river, or clouds across the sky. maybe i wrote about this already. if it's redundant, please forgive; i'm still making sense of all the immenseness.
delve into this metaphor for a sec... currents in a river, take the Amazon say, or some other massive flowing confluence of waters returning to the sea.
imagine a mile wide, and hundreds long, and we can take a seat along the shore and behold enough fluid space to contain tens of thousands of currents residing and moving with and actually comprising the river. We are those currents, and say in this mile wide medium moving river, i am a current 40 feet long, 13 meters, 2 meters wide at the broadest, and this whole current represents the span and breadth of my entire life.
along side my flowing self are countless other currents i will bump into, people experiences that move and live and flow as i do. There are moments of overlap with a select few currents, and long-term associations, and even intense blendings as new families, and new streams are spun to life.
So this is our life, moving back to the sea, to Source, to Home and All Love. Along the say there are rocks, eddies, cascades, falls, and still pools of quietude. Love it all is the mission, and make the best of the brilliance of being alive.
And the wild is a tributary of the mighty river we can slip into at will, and into which we all sometimes get sucked unbidden.
Wild is more rocks, less predictability, trippy plants along the shore and reaching up from the oft fertile riverbed, but there are these moments when the tumbling smashing is perfect! Sometimes, the bruises are so worth it, the experience of hurtling into the flower-strewn lion's den worth ever beating. wild's crazy, i'm just saying. plunge in!
when you get a sec and it feels safe enough.
take clouds. now that i think about it, they are aquatic too, water puffs defying gravity to float along and drench us with sustenance. they are aerial streams of their own, drifting along currents far above our daily thoughts.
but gaze up, and imagine how much of that flow is you, how big are you, how much cloud do you take up?
clouds come and go as we do, transient comings-together of water and fluffiness to last long enough to complete their mission, and behold from their vantage point the grandeur of Creation. They see only some of all this, just like we do—unless we learn to see from inside.
all the instructions boil down to plunge, in child, love, and do what you will, explore, please, on behalf of All Love from where all of us and this comes from. Experience on behalf of the loving Creator the utmost that you can in this body and mind that you have been given to inhabit.
you are yet a wave on the ocean, but as such, you are the ocean's entire representative to the here and now you are living this moment. It's all you, b/c everyone else is busy, so it's to you, to be you, as fully as you are able, on behalf of All Love, and the rest of us.
it's not a huge burden, trust me. it's as small as it needs to be. you are ok, safe even, if we can use that delicate word.
but we must know, that our sense of individuality is usually skewed, far too much in the direction of thinking ourselves seperate from everyone else. we are distinct, and utterly unique and precious, but we are not as important as we like to think. or, we're both far more important than we realize, and at the same time as inconsequential as any of the millions of birds that flit about and live and die all around us.