the "On Healing" collection:
possibly related
healing only happens in the now
i was reminded yesterday of one of the gravest times in my life—when my then 10 y/o son nearly died after falling from a tree. We were in the intensive care unit, he was breathed by machines and he was in a coma. When they stopped the sedatives, he was still in a coma. We were worried for his survival and the health of his brain, soul, and cognition.
This: {to announce... i was younger when i wrote this: a much more clear version of Healing is} this first, a year+ in the future
{if you wish to carry on with this now historical seeming essay, what i was thinking 22 months ago... carry on, with my gratefulness}
to continue...
i was reminded b/c Trevor, a friend and colleague in England just txt'd our mutual friend Helen: ...my daughter has been in a serious car crash. She is on life support at the hospital but has brain injuries the extent of which is unknown. We just to wait and hope. So won't be in touch for a while. I'm sorry.
that is like holding a small stone and knowing—feeling—the giant cliff it crumbled from. i thought of Trevor, and when Helen asked what i would say about being useful in ICU, in helping Trevor help his daughter, i started rambling about bringing supplies, first...
let me outline this, b/c it was a train of thought:
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bring them sundries, such as toothbrush and toothpaste, tissues, a sweater or shawl, some juice, light snacks (nuts, dried fruit...), facial wipes etc...
i thought how it was in ICU, you don't notice your teeth are stale till someone hands you a bag with supplies and inside is something minty, and you're instantly grateful to tears (not having slept in 40 hours...)
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ask if you can help w/ pets, houseplants, any appointments that need canceling, cars that need to be retrieved from the service shop...
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step back, survey and feel the space
This invites reflection... to perceive space is a skill that improves with practice. it accumulates the ability to notice many things, such as temperature, lighting, airflow, acoustics, smell, ambient noise, available privacy, architecture, crowdedness and any other tangible, spatial aspect of the present moment. Each of these facets is noticed b/c each influences how we experience the present moment.
all of it
How we experience the present moment is nearly everything!
Literally. Except there's more, by definition.
It may seem facile to care overly much with what is going on right now, but if you are interested in healing—of any kind—it's imperative.
Healing only happens in the present moment.
each breath
Holding space then becomes a link in the chain between calamity and well-being.
The skill of holding a richly Loving space gives healing room to occur.
All we have to offer is our time, our attention and our awareness.
dear trevor
don't waste a moment succumbing, or even dabbling in fear. it takes time, and that time is best devoted to helping your daughter recover as fully and completely as possible.
Back to our list:
- strive to hold safe, Loving space; let nothing interfere.
What does this look like, this safe Loving space?
It is quiet, and orderly in the way that flowers are orderly, everything in its perfect place, not too much or too little.
Let this space be an energetic container that you create, with your thoughts + intentions + will + imagination + qi.
Qi is energy moving, flow; it by nature takes up space and has some scarely measurable but totally significant mass. Qi is us—the capital store of soul embodied.
So we can create this space, and into this space we intend only healing, only Love, only well-being, only the fullest expression of Life possible, the most radiant, refulgent, dancing spirit alive in these mortal bodies of ours.
It is singing out loud in fellowship in shared celebration of the Divine in each of us. It is beholding a newborn baby or watching a flower bow open.
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Trevor, you are her dad, and you are there at bedside and you haven't slept. Your instincts are correct, you are showing up.
Now show up more.
Seriously, try hard to do less; do not fear, nor spend time in fear. Hope only the smallest bit, but beware, it's distracting. Watch, watch her breathing, watch her skin, hold her hand, sit with everything that is real right now. There's no other way if you want her to get as better as possible. Maybe what we do doesn't matter, i'm not a god so i can't say, but i do know that not showing up hurts, dims, and distracts. It takes away time i can spend focusing on holding space for the healing at hand.
Show up more b/c the alternative is worse.
But don't worry, b/c it's not that hard; it just takes courage, grit and a willingness to be present for your child no matter what is to come
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fear is less than smoke. it appears to be, but it is not. it is a figment, a trace. do other things than dwell w/ fear. sure, being afraid is not difficult. Fear beckons, i get that. But you gotta be stronger, and since fear is just a thought, a what-might-be, it does poorly with your neglect, so neglect fear, give it scant notice, b/c you are busy holding a huge space that is as filled w/ Love as possible.
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show up even if it hurts, show up as strong as you can.
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attend to details. Breathe w/ your loved one, even if she's hooked up to a machine. there is healing in the space between our breaths, and that space is filled w/ Love.
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breathe in, stretch tall.
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pause...
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exhale, and let down through your shoulders...
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stand strong.
bodies
bodies live in now, exclusively. there is probably some planning and energy storing for lean times, but all transactions take place in the present moment. the pancreas, for example either makes insulin now or it doesn't.
Cells repair themselves in the present moment. Blood flows through veins now or it stops, and when it stops we die and all this with it, these perceptions of 'reality'.
So being present can include the following:
- envisioning cells healing themselves
- envisioning nerve cells reconnecting
- envisioning bones reknitting their wood-like form
- not dwelling w/ fear. if it shows, place hand up and say no, but thanks. i know there are many ways this can turn out, but i'm doing my best to Love, now, b/c that's everything, so no.
attitude
Healing is also shifting our sense of what is, and what should be. We can at once strive for total restoration, and at the same time behold and believe in the total Beauty of what already is. Healing then, becomes shortening the path between where we are, and where we want to be.
Aim high, shoot for complete revival, but see what seems broken as perfect just as it is. It's a crazed schizophrenia to hold those two thoughts at once, and as one, but together, they are Healing.
It's already perfect exactly how it is.
And, there's so much we can do to make what time remains the most amazing and love filled as possible.
Bless.
finally
i see you standing there Trevor—fear shaking you like arctic wind, willing to take you down and douse your fire—but stand strong and do this:
- Love, harder than you've ever loved before. Overcome doubt, save the questions for later and Love now!
Please, trust me on this one.
-m