So, i'm feeling super-cray grateful today, beyond very. Oouf. I feel it so.
Thank you whoever or whatever knows more than i, whoever has done me a good turn even once. Thank you to the helpers who help and the guides and spirits who have befriended me.
Sung with utmost devotion, to the most Sacred Source you can imagine:
My salvation lies, in your Love.
Look for Love. It's everywhere, for real.
The more i look, the more i find, and the more i find, the more i realize there is ever more to Love.
Yes, Now, Please, Thank you.
Four Things i've learned from ptsd
Plus a few more, in no particular order (or the list-order shifts like sweet guitar chords in the wind)
Awe... thunderstruck, thunderstorms across the long vista, largess only a fraction of All Love, or the Milky Way(!), seriously, billions of start w/ uncountable planets. We may be out there. Redwood trees and the smell of newborn babies, birth itself. Plants are amazing and bring me to humble Awe over and over again. And Love. Awestruck, slashed, my breath will catch, and we all look up to behold...
Discernment... because i had loaded guns pressed into my forehead, i have a certain perspective. i found the seed of discernment one day: choose only that which serves your Love, and be kind along the way.
Presence... i learned to live now. i will not be alive in the future; i will only be alive in the present moment, perhaps even days from now. i get this present moment [breath, real-time] and this one, and if i make it through another 24 hours, i will take stock again, if not before.
All i have is now, and now is big enough to require all my attention; even then, it's a drop in the ocean.
What i can't perceive, what yet makes no sense is that all this is magnitudes bigger than what i already know, quantum levels more vast than i can even fathom.
Gratefulness... thank you, now, for real. I want to cut in line to let you know.
It could be worse. everything human lives in that phrase, it could be worse. to know those words means you can still think, imagine, feel. You are still here, alive, and have enough scars to remember humility... Give into imagination for even a few breaths, and your next meal will taste like a feast, your next inhale like bursting through the water's surface into atmosphere an instant before suffocation implodes your lungs.
Live like that, on the curled edge of gratitude.
Humility... bow down, i do, many times a week. thank everything it's not worse. i am so blessed, so lucky, to have avoided catastrophe for another hour, another trip across town, another jaunt in airplane or interstate car. that one precious artery didn't overflow it's banks, didn't bust its dike, didn't bleed out inside my skull. for real, it's an extant thing. behold what is, immediately, and go from there.
Appreciation... Exquisite should be the bride, or bridegroom to Appreciation. Appreciate, everything you can, and strive ever to appreciate more. When you do, ugly things will turn beautiful, and barriers will morph into hedgerows of raspberries.
Acceptance... this is it. this is what we get. whatever is your present tense, every relationship, thought, urge, feeling, emotion, sensation, memory, hope, craving, fear-held-onto, desire—all of it—that's what your world is. There is no objective reality. You may see a simple teller counter where cash is dispensed, but to me it's a place where death comes roaring in.
Celebration... for real, we're here for a while, and god wants us to enjoy (god's the god of Love, after all). Celebrate. give thanks for anything you can think of, the food you have for dinner, the legs that still work, the smiles your eyes can still see... Make stuff up, pay more attention. Celebrate as if Goodness itself gains from your dance of joy.
All Love... where we come from, bottom line. the Real Deal.
Two key questions, really: where do i come from, or, from what am i made? The answer is the same: All Love; and, what now? For that, i have not idea. Just love, and do what you will.
There is no trying.