i appreciate the momentum after a crash

the "mania" collection:

  1. mania and friends
  2. on grief,

possibly related

On Grief

Grief is independent and Free. She just is and always will be as long as creation exists.

Grief is demanding, and requires one's full attention. Many wounded people know to avoid going there—into Grief—w/o support and groundation. this declares itself on the healing path for a lot of people as a reluctance to grieve.

i know Grief, and thankfully Love and a few minutes every week i know i am Loved, and that makes all the difference. I need not be afraid, so i can strive to behold all the sadness whole, frontside and back, and bless it all. it hurts sometimes, but alas. so does living in fear and trepidation.

after wounds, in depression, i find myself entombed in fleshy cement, encased in a protective shell like a lonely superhero made of rocks. i am not going to be assaulted without protection, without meting out at least the smallest pain to whatever fist comes my way.

and this shell, when i was younger and more afraid, kept me from grieving, from Grief. i made it so i was impermeable and impervious.

and it kept out Love. it made it so Love nor Grief could get through (they both could of course) and i ran, weighed down, one step ahead of suffocation by drowning.


what it comes to today is i find i still live w/ cement, i still protect myself b/c i long to grieve. i know Grief, her cleansing, healing force. i miss her wise, nurturing counsel, and yet i do not invite her to tea or tears. i don't have the time to stand down for however long she asks. i am on duty, vigilant, fatherly, weary and wary both.

i want to spend three weeks in Omaha, or two there and two in Des Planes or Buenos Aires, only b/c i yet know no one there, and i can take a month to stand down and invite Grief to join me for a walk and we'll wash away the tears of so many, and dry a hundred eyes together.

oh my

i know why i'm here, at least in part, to walk with Grief and cleanse away the unwept tears of those who yet cannot meet Grief themselves.


thank you words


anyway, the last bit is this: those cracks we need chisel into our cement are twofold. they let in the Love, yes, but the Grief too. Hence the 'risk'.

Stay well. if you have any questions about this, please reach out; i'm here yet.

next day

24 hrs differs, every time. this day, editing, was too close to the bloody, hypoxic edge; seeking cover...

today was mad survival day, don't topple over and don't get shot day, a don't bleed out kind of day.

b/c we're supposed to hold Love, be Love, and that's why "they" keep people terrified, b/c then Space is harder to come by and we are more easily controlled; my task #2, help people find Space.


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