temporary obliteration of self

as noted elswhwere, [surviving mindfulness] one of the challenges of ptsd + mindfulness, is that some days suck. or rather, the day is fine, lovely in fact, like today, 79 degrees and flowers and trees in refulgent expression of their beautiful lives.

but me, i, us, the ...

addicted to being addicted, addicted to ptsd.

it's a pitfall to be wary of, the chance you get to be addicted to your ptsd, to find so much familiar comfort in being off balance all the time that you don't take steps to heal for fear of losing ...

one match

sometimes it all came down to a single strike of the match-head against the half soaked flint stripe along the bottom of the pack. rain may be falling, trucks may be racing by and spraying your roadside rest, the wind may be menacing in its innocence, but you ...

grace

every rare now and then i'm allowed to stand down, to feel either so safe that vigilance can be relaxed, or so humbled by my tininess that i surrender, but no, that's not standing down, that's an animal of a different skin.

standing down says you ...

just in

So today was rickety; bodymind shaky, like metal on metal down to the bone worn out; i didn't accomplish anything of value that i could easily gauge, i felt out of sync from waking till now, early evening. I didn't fit into today; words feel creaky ...