i am not my body
Over the summer, i was investigating myself (with the help of some very kinds guides) and i came to be able to see myself as not my body. I would even sometimes think of it as 'this body --that i hang out with on planet earth' (but that gets wordy...)
In the next breath, i was able to see myself as not my mind either. My mind is programmed to serve as narrator, suggester, kibitzer, critic, fabricator, distractor, thinker, over-reactor, prevaricator, wonder-perceiver and a whole lot more. But i am neither of these. I am beyond, eternal, beginningless and deathless. Words are inadequate to convey, but one gets the idea.
Looking back at 'my' body, i see how it is pre-ordained with the sacred duty of carrying me around this world during my sojourn here. It is also wired to fight for its total survival --which explains a lot to myself about my own behavior over the years.
The most uplifting aspect of this for me, reflecting on it today, is that i don't die. Maybe i should put that 'i' in italics, b/c it's a new way of perceiving myself that i didn't have before.
Before, i was a mashup of body-mind-spirit-divine-messy.... That was hard, b/c part of me (body-mind and their messy friends) knew 'we' were going to die, b/c that's what befalls bodies and minds without exception. That was scary, constantly so. My life seemed to be an adventure (or struggle on a tough day) to overcome this fear of death.
me, the dog
Shortly after all this, i had an epiphany. If i look at my body from outside, and see it as this 'creature' that carries me about, or this sacred vessel with wants, desires, cellular memory and expectations, a huge part of my life becomes much simpler. For example, my body-the-dog really likes to walk, dance and swim. Luckily, i've known this for some time and have built up momentum in all those areas, but now, i look at my body as the dog that needs to be walked every day. And i do, and dance and swim. And i enjoy it as much as a dog enjoys chasing a stick on a spring morning at the park.
I enjoy it in two ways: one, my body enjoys it for the pure physical delight of it. This is what bodies are good at!! And two, my eternal-witness self delights that my body is happy!
The end result is that by mid-day (on most days, and i regard this as an incredible privilege), my body feels exercised, tended to, appreciated, thanked and until bed-time it's calm, and then i sleep well. This is all wildly new for me, and very exciting!! I have for decades slept like crap, often waking for hours in restlessness or fear. Now, my body is ready to rest. It has also opened up whole new vistas in eating which i'll catch up on in a future post.
This is an energetically wise course of action, b/c as my body becomes quiet, i am endowed with spaciousness which i use for contemplation, writing, manifesting, whatever. Spaciousness is half power + clarity and half will (more on that later perhaps).
Together, over 2/3 of my makeup is happy, which leaves just my mind, which conveniently enough, we'll look into in part two of this series, 'my mind the garden'.