possibly related
had a flash feeling, you know those kind that sweep through you like the front of huge weather shift, or a sound pulse that carries no heft to the outside of the body, but every cell hears and looks up.
it was the feeling of being near death, close enough to know it was inevitable. i wanted someone i loved to be with me so i could dictate my last words, witness one final time what it's like to be alive... in this case, what's it's like to be alive with minutes to go before the new wavefront is crossed for this ever, death, life's end.
life ends, yes, and what i felt was huge, and was gratitude for the Beauty i have experienced here, the Love i have felt and been given, and the Love i was able to create. I was so grateful i got to see giant thunderstorms in person, got to sleep under stars in the mountains, got to spend time with incredible people, my wife, kids, soul friends....
it was so final, death. it really is going to happen. that feels ludicrous to write, but the feeling was so blunt and sharp, irrevocable.
i accept, of course; anything less, well, seems foolish.
till then, live well.