and i told her i get 4-5 anxiety attacks every week, and started describing how they are this slow dread bumping into me like a mobile fog of pre-fear, and how i can't usually identify the trigger, it's just there, and the next minutes or hours of my ...

stand down

i've gotten to a point where Awe is continual, for long spans of time where i can perceive it the sounds of Wonder are ever-true, and all i want is to stop... and be stunned. To pay my humblest respects to All, of Creation.

i want to ...

just in

So today was rickety; bodymind shaky, like metal on metal down to the bone worn out; i didn't accomplish anything of value that i could easily gauge, i felt out of sync from waking till now, early evening. I didn't fit into today; words feel creaky ...

temporary obliteration of self

as noted elsewhere, in surviving mindfulness, one of the challenges of ptsd + mindfulness, is that some days suck. or rather, the day is fine—lovely in fact, like today—79 degrees and flowers and trees in refulgent expression of their beautiful lives.

but me, i, us ...

the usual

there's a diner outside Omaha i haven't been to, but i know it's there. that grounds me, that and envisioning the logistics of getting, a secret destination the demons don't know where i can stand down a few, back against the nougehyde corner, weak ...