the swamp

i kept that header from the first installment, birthday 2 years ago when i was turning 52, able to see glimpses outside, beyond ptsd.

i felt beyond ptsd today, only barely, like caught up in these floor-level fogs of despair and low affect that you don't want ...

So suffering a bodymind experience of loss. the details of course are huge, and in retrospect tiny enough that getting through is possible. it's odd to feel so sad, and so blessed at the same time.

my entire bodymind is sad, my soul is light, and Light. we are ...

Ps

leave yourself as little refuse as possible, drop no trace if possible except those ripples you intend to create, like soundwaves vibrating through energy ponds, clouds across the watertop.

stand tall and open, fully present to each moment, and in every blessed moment you can, do only what is ...

and then?

i have allowed, through real and habitual need to survive, smallness and separation to be seen as real, and it's not, b/c any sense my ego has that i think i am, is not, b/c i am temporary. the ego self housed in this bodymind ...

eyes open

i am ok, safe ap, decent,

i am tripping hard on what comes after full on survival, b/c that's all i've known this past few years, and when i was younger, and yet i feel i am moving past that. perhaps others are to at ...