inside ptsd, body knows

i recognize how imperative the body is in all considerations of mindfulness...

the "Inside PTSD" collection:

  1. inside ptsd
  2. inside ptsd, the mad list
  3. inside ptsd, backstory
  4. inside ptsd, fleeing
  5. inside ptsd, two
  6. inside ptsd, remediation
  7. inside ptsd, three, rage
  8. inside ptsd, transaction costs
  9. time shift, inside the ptsd
  10. time shift three
  11. time shift two, still inside the ptsd
  12. inside ptsd, the addiction episode
  13. survive vs heal
  14. inside ptsd, body knows
  15. inside ptsd, body knows, part one
  16. one hour
  17. that same afternoon
  18. inside ptsd, more than a recollection
  19. inside ptsd, body knows 2
  20. acceptance.
  21. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
  22. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
  23. inside ptsd, a student of trauma
  24. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
  25. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
  26. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
  27. inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
  28. acute
  29. inside my midlife ptsd
  30. one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
  31. inside ptsd, mere survival
  32. inside ptsd, economics
  33. one day, at night, inside ptsd
  34. on the outside, looking in
  35. inside ptsd, in the wind
  36. inside ptsd, in the wind, two
  37. a is for anxiety
  38. inside ptsd, the last match
  39. inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
  40. inside ptsd, outside looking in
  41. Day Three, Haunted
  42. inside ptsd, what it is
  43. inside ptsd, it takes time
  44. inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
  45. before the aftermath

possibly related

the body remembers

the body retains some from each impact w/ traumatic energy.

the body is wounded by every assault—be it from another day of extreme poverty or straight fist-to-face violence. The body knows first.

The body experiences trauma before my brain can stimulate muscles fast enough to dodge the bullet—that's my premise, my thesis for this essay. The body knows first. Then the brain tries to sort out at once, and the mind considers it all later, from the privileged perch of contemplation and reflection.

body experiences impact

There's always collision in these lives of ours, a collision between 'reality' and its uncountable events and eddies, and our very own bodyminds. Sometimes we get a gentle early morning and a quiet first light, others a terrified eruption to total fear from a night's torment. So it begins. Feet collide against floor, skin collides against ambient air, shower water, food at the lips. Most collisions are gentle, but some impacts destroy.

When the smashing together of two forces threatens survival, it is traumatic. When it is rife with betrayal, and rage or cruelty, it's traumatic, b/c trauma is the infliction on the bodymind of energy bent of the recipient's damage or utter destruction.

[trigger warning]

i should probably put these at the top of this whole series, but today it seems apt. take care reading this; to understand trauma's impact on our body in an explicit, witnessing way, we have to look at some (but thankfully not all) of the details. we will be as gentle as possible.

drill down, first push

This is work for me, to write this. It's literally part of my job, to understand what trauma is, how exactly it hurts, and ultimately, what can we do to grow beyond living in worlds filled with endless cycles of pain, violation and loss.

Here's a case study we can call it, but it's just a story that happens all the time. It's about a kid who got hurt bad when younger. Not me, my childhood till age 18 did not involve beatings or violence. But i've met so many who were hurt, that i feel driven to explore and write about this, so we can find clues to our own worst behavior.

There's a perpetrator of course, the one who hits, who betrays, who desecrates, but perhaps that perp was hit too, when little. Let's look more closely... what is the body's experience when a child is screamed at with hatred and fear, then slapped so hard that bruises flower from fields of smashed apart blood vessels.

it's no fun to write this about any small child, but the stories are everywhere. i want to try to witness on behalf of too many children what it's like; i feel well loved today, and i feel strong enough to put this down—guardian spirits all about.

First, the body is bruised by the physical impact of being struck. The small child feels pain and fear in extreme proportions, and betrayal.

And we'll stop there for tonight, and pick up the story again soon. If you read the first draft of this online last week, part two is coming shortly.

Stay well. Love your people well, and everyone, Bless, m

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