Wherein i consider some modicum of closure to this 27 month voyage through ptsd; now, this spring, it's waning...

the "Inside PTSD" collection:

  1. inside ptsd
  2. inside ptsd, the mad list
  3. inside ptsd, backstory
  4. inside ptsd, fleeing
  5. inside ptsd, two
  6. inside ptsd, remediation
  7. inside ptsd, three, rage
  8. inside ptsd, transaction costs
  9. time shift, inside the ptsd
  10. time shift three
  11. time shift two, still inside the ptsd
  12. inside ptsd, the addiction episode
  13. survive vs heal
  14. inside ptsd, body knows
  15. inside ptsd, body knows, part one
  16. one hour
  17. that same afternoon
  18. inside ptsd, more than a recollection
  19. inside ptsd, body knows 2
  20. acceptance.
  21. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
  22. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
  23. inside ptsd, a student of trauma
  24. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
  25. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
  26. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
  27. inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
  28. acute
  29. inside my midlife ptsd
  30. one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
  31. inside ptsd, mere survival
  32. inside ptsd, economics
  33. one day, at night, inside ptsd
  34. on the outside, looking in
  35. inside ptsd, in the wind
  36. inside ptsd, in the wind, two
  37. a is for anxiety
  38. inside ptsd, the last match
  39. inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
  40. inside ptsd, outside looking in
  41. Day Three, Haunted
  42. inside ptsd, what it is
  43. inside ptsd, it takes time
  44. inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
  45. before the aftermath

possibly related

It didn't this time last year. Imagine that, for real, for a moment...

Springtime, and instead of being spacious enough to appreciate the majestic brilliance of new buds and longer, less cold days, imagine it's a time of sadness, how the alacrity of spring will accelerate your not already awesome state, your down, sad, confused self.

i've been both sides, many times, post-traumatic and steady, and i have no sense that either is guaranteed, but, truth be told, as i age into my mid fifties, i appreciate a certain skill at getting life done. there is an energetic pulse one can lay on life that assuages it and eases the demon edges, the bloody sharp points that spurt and pulse with dying.


healing from ptsd takes time, but time is fungible. both sides, we all win.

what that means is this: it literally requires the passage of time, and the living through it, for healing or evolution to occur. forward movement, obviously is needed. Doing must occur—within the context of non-doing—for change to happen, and healing, a priori, is change from less-good to more good. that's our business together, why we gather with these words.

but, inside this progression of time, the undulations are not uniform, meaning life tumbles and yearns, dances fast or stumbles hard, or lays low and does not, and accepts what comes.


we're in it together. we are the people we've been waiting for.

to continue

furthermore, he smiles, it's fascinating to behold. the difference this time is, at age 51, that i can watch myself go through all this post-traumatic mayhem. it becomes obvious that it must be endured, so it might as well be made to serve us as well as possible.

which leads me to think of frugality and optimism, so i'm excited to write soon about old-school english woodland management, thousand year old permaculture, coppice and standard ways of thinking that last dozens of generations.


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