on the outside, looking in

the "Inside PTSD" collection:

  1. inside ptsd
  2. inside ptsd, the mad list
  3. inside ptsd, backstory
  4. inside ptsd, fleeing
  5. inside ptsd, two
  6. inside ptsd, remediation
  7. inside ptsd, three, rage
  8. inside ptsd, transaction costs
  9. time shift, inside the ptsd
  10. time shift three
  11. time shift two, still inside the ptsd
  12. inside ptsd, the addiction episode
  13. survive vs heal
  14. inside ptsd, body knows
  15. inside ptsd, body knows, part one
  16. one hour
  17. that same afternoon
  18. inside ptsd, more than a recollection
  19. inside ptsd, body knows 2
  20. acceptance.
  21. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
  22. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
  23. inside ptsd, a student of trauma
  24. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
  25. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
  26. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
  27. inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
  28. acute
  29. inside my midlife ptsd
  30. one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
  31. inside ptsd, mere survival
  32. inside ptsd, economics
  33. one day, at night, inside ptsd
  34. on the outside, looking in
  35. inside ptsd, in the wind
  36. inside ptsd, in the wind, two
  37. a is for anxiety
  38. inside ptsd, the last match
  39. inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
  40. inside ptsd, outside looking in
  41. Day Three, Haunted
  42. inside ptsd, what it is
  43. inside ptsd, it takes time
  44. inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
  45. before the aftermath

possibly related

i think it's quite likely so.

my parents had no idea what was coming my way after the robbery; none. it has never seemed blame-worthy, b/c it's not a trait or skill that exists, i would guesstimate, in more than a third of the population. there are levels of skill and granularity within all that, but i think the trait or skill of being able to well deal w/ trauma is rarer still, and to some extent relies on an experience of trauma yourself.

i know those moments where the largess of the sadness dominates nearly all planes of our awareness that it's hard to feel anything beyond the sadness, but there's more going on, a lot more.

this is why we step so gingerly w/ all this, helping each of us see as clearly and lovingly as possible.

[[EDIT]] so i'm not surprised fleur didn't have the help she needed. most of all, she didn't understand how big it all was for you then; she' barely sensing how bit it all still is for you; and with that not-knowing, she didn't know to reach out. she probably thought it was like that flu she had when she was 9, devastating for 2 weeks, but over in a couple months. what do i know? must made that up, but if i think of someone w/o any trauma, i always find it hard to convey to them how hard it actually is to live through.

but that's what it is, and it's ok. it's painful, but in its way it's healing, it's bringing healing to an energy of pain and sadness decades old, a huge wound that even you now are only becoming strong enough to do something about—which of course is hard, tiring work but the rewards are so sweet.

Life.

here we are.

All Love, b

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