Wherein i ...

the "Inside PTSD" collection:

  1. inside ptsd
  2. inside ptsd, the mad list
  3. inside ptsd, backstory
  4. inside ptsd, fleeing
  5. inside ptsd, two
  6. inside ptsd, remediation
  7. inside ptsd, three, rage
  8. inside ptsd, transaction costs
  9. time shift, inside the ptsd
  10. time shift three
  11. time shift two, still inside the ptsd
  12. inside ptsd, the addiction episode
  13. survive vs heal
  14. inside ptsd, body knows
  15. inside ptsd, body knows, part one
  16. one hour
  17. that same afternoon
  18. inside ptsd, more than a recollection
  19. inside ptsd, body knows 2
  20. acceptance.
  21. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
  22. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
  23. inside ptsd, a student of trauma
  24. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
  25. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
  26. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
  27. inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
  28. acute
  29. inside my midlife ptsd
  30. one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
  31. inside ptsd, mere survival
  32. inside ptsd, economics
  33. one day, at night, inside ptsd
  34. on the outside, looking in
  35. inside ptsd, in the wind
  36. inside ptsd, in the wind, two
  37. a is for anxiety
  38. inside ptsd, the last match
  39. inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
  40. inside ptsd, outside looking in
  41. Day Three, Haunted
  42. inside ptsd, what it is
  43. inside ptsd, it takes time
  44. inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
  45. before the aftermath

possibly related


this is a key sentence, from the inter webs today:

"How does one tell the untraumatized majority about the conditions that constitute the underworld of trauma?"

from a war vet, interesting. you know all the stuff, but interesting, and glad to see that sentence out there.

the craziest moment in England was 2am last Saturday after dancing, chatting late w/ Helen, and she simply doesn't understand, and without understanding there's this sense that once one sees All Love, or has the ability to witness the ravages of one's own trauma, then said post-traumatic disorder can be vaporized away, never to return. she couldn't understand that it lives in tissue, that it comes and go largely on its own schedule, that it's not logical, that it invades and colonizes all spaciousness so that "loving it harder" is not the path out of the most desolate places.

Love is a luxury and yes, we live in All Love but the bodymind is here to live in this messy sub-fifth dimensional world, and that world is filled with land mines and quagmires, demons and delights both.

The only way an untraumatized person could ever understand is to become traumatized, and then deal with it. I've been so close to wishing that on the safe-feeling people who want me to be instantly better, but i always refrain, but i would never wish this on anyone; that's not my path or responsibility to inflict torment on anyone just so they might see me w/ clearer eyes.

so i write, these words, and pray for understanding.

anyway, all that.

Love, b



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