the "Inside PTSD" collection:
- inside ptsd
- inside ptsd, the mad list
- inside ptsd, backstory
- inside ptsd, fleeing
- inside ptsd, two
- inside ptsd, remediation
- inside ptsd, three, rage
- inside ptsd, transaction costs
- time shift, inside the ptsd
- time shift three
- time shift two, still inside the ptsd
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode
- survive vs heal
- inside ptsd, body knows
- inside ptsd, body knows, part one
- one hour
- that same afternoon
- inside ptsd, more than a recollection
- inside ptsd, body knows 2
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
- inside ptsd, a student of trauma
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
- inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
- inside my midlife ptsd
- one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
- inside ptsd, mere survival
- inside ptsd, economics
- one day, at night, inside ptsd
- on the outside, looking in
- inside ptsd, in the wind
- inside ptsd, in the wind, two
- a is for anxiety
- inside ptsd, the last match
- inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
- inside ptsd, outside looking in
- Day Three, Haunted
- inside ptsd, what it is
- inside ptsd, it takes time
- inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
- before the aftermath
this is a key sentence, from the inter webs today:
"How does one tell the untraumatized majority about the conditions that constitute the underworld of trauma?"
from a war vet, interesting. you know all the stuff, but interesting, and glad to see that sentence out there.
the craziest moment in England was 2am last Saturday after dancing, chatting late w/ Helen, and she simply doesn't understand, and without understanding there's this sense that once one sees All Love, or has the ability to witness the ravages of one's own trauma, then said post-traumatic disorder can be vaporized away, never to return. she couldn't understand that it lives in tissue, that it comes and go largely on its own schedule, that it's not logical, that it invades and colonizes all spaciousness so that "loving it harder" is not the path out of the most desolate places.
Love is a luxury and yes, we live in All Love but the bodymind is here to live in this messy sub-fifth dimensional world, and that world is filled with land mines and quagmires, demons and delights both.
The only way an untraumatized person could ever understand is to become traumatized, and then deal with it. I've been so close to wishing that on the safe-feeling people who want me to be instantly better, but i always refrain, but i would never wish this on anyone; that's not my path or responsibility to inflict torment on anyone just so they might see me w/ clearer eyes.
so i write, these words, and pray for understanding.
anyway, all that.