inside ptsd, transaction costs

the "Inside PTSD" collection:

  1. inside ptsd
  2. inside ptsd, the mad list
  3. inside ptsd, backstory
  4. inside ptsd, fleeing
  5. inside ptsd, two
  6. inside ptsd, remediation
  7. inside ptsd, three, rage
  8. inside ptsd, transaction costs
  9. time shift, inside the ptsd
  10. time shift three
  11. time shift two, still inside the ptsd
  12. inside ptsd, the addiction episode
  13. survive vs heal
  14. inside ptsd, body knows
  15. inside ptsd, body knows, part one
  16. one hour
  17. that same afternoon
  18. inside ptsd, more than a recollection
  19. inside ptsd, body knows 2
  20. acceptance.
  21. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
  22. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
  23. inside ptsd, a student of trauma
  24. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
  25. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
  26. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
  27. inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
  28. acute
  29. inside my midlife ptsd
  30. one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
  31. inside ptsd, mere survival
  32. inside ptsd, economics
  33. one day, at night, inside ptsd
  34. on the outside, looking in
  35. inside ptsd, in the wind
  36. inside ptsd, in the wind, two
  37. a is for anxiety
  38. inside ptsd, the last match
  39. inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
  40. inside ptsd, outside looking in
  41. Day Three, Haunted
  42. inside ptsd, what it is
  43. inside ptsd, it takes time
  44. inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
  45. before the aftermath

possibly related

Everything comes w/ a price. Everything costs something, is an immediate transaction. What will it cost me to say 'yes', or to hesitate and hope for more information, or to say no and keep moving rather than risk an inaccurate assessment of the risk/reward of whatever is being offered, a ride, a bit of food, a seeming simple kindness. Every moment of life with other humans is a transaction, a negotiation if not w/ them then with a thousand parts of myself, all on vigil, all manning the trenches and watchtowers of my being scanning for wildfires or the rumbling waves of a fast approaching earthquake.

Whether to enter the store is a hundred questions, and then how to manage the encounter w/ the person behind the counter, the supposed pleasantries of 'normal' human discourse beyond ken, a wading pool filled with spiny urchins. a thousand micro-decisions later, 500 trade-offs that all drained the account, we may walk out w/ a bag of chips and some rolling papers, and if we're lucky, a free pack of matches.

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