the "Inside PTSD" collection:
- inside ptsd
- inside ptsd, the mad list
- inside ptsd, backstory
- inside ptsd, fleeing
- inside ptsd, two
- inside ptsd, remediation
- inside ptsd, three, rage
- inside ptsd, transaction costs
- time shift, inside the ptsd
- time shift three
- time shift two, still inside the ptsd
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode
- survive vs heal
- inside ptsd, body knows
- inside ptsd, body knows, part one
- one hour
- that same afternoon
- inside ptsd, more than a recollection
- inside ptsd, body knows 2
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
- inside ptsd, a student of trauma
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
- inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
- inside my midlife ptsd
- one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
- inside ptsd, mere survival
- inside ptsd, economics
- one day, at night, inside ptsd
- on the outside, looking in
- inside ptsd, in the wind
- inside ptsd, in the wind, two
- a is for anxiety
- inside ptsd, the last match
- inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
- inside ptsd, outside looking in
- Day Three, Haunted
- inside ptsd, what it is
- inside ptsd, it takes time
- inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
- before the aftermath
What is staggering, is how true the details are, ptsd that is... triggered state.
Detail: rage. fuck rage.
Nasty energy that.
Not rage that emanates from me, but rage visited upon me.
OK, i bow. I accept. Rage exists. Rage writ large is nazi germany, is my lai vietnam, is that house around the corner...
rage is, and that alone should give us pause. rage, that explosion of angry violence directed at destruction, punishment and retribution. Targets are identified, if only at detonation, and damage is hoped for.
Like i said, fuck rage.
rage is hate plus deprivation and sometimes training.
But, it exists, so we deal with it. Best way? Open question, with many answers.
I had the universe's graces one night, when my friend daniel and i met alexandra in dc—she who runs the body-mind programs at walter reed. she said she works with the vets who come back with rage, from war, from training, from combat. Bless her and that work. we met b/c the universe is at times quite kind.
rage is Love missing plus betrayal. Rage is not fair, fuck you and i want mine!
rage is why did you hurt me so?
alexandra has four aims for her vets w/ rage:
- Synchronization of Body and Mind
- Eliciting the Relaxation Response
- Facilitating Grounding
- Bringing Breath Awareness
Rage inflicted—that is, rage felt, received, experienced on the inside by assault—is nasty. It hurts, first, and always. That's the point after all. It hurts in flesh, and diminishes—by design—whatever it contacts with. Rage exists in vast quantity, and even to word it gives it life. but, we shine the light of Love upon it, and it dims itself. It's that simple. All Love is more powerful for rage is an absence.
That's the bottom line, the criterion that will be used on the last day to determine how much bargaining power you have going into the next life—if that is what you so desire. You fuck up in this life—hurt people and such—you almost have to come back to make things right. That malign energy will be fulfilled one way or another, so not evading, so come back to life and face your failings. Better yet, start now, and be Nice. Nice.