the "Inside PTSD" collection:

  1. inside ptsd
  2. inside ptsd, the mad list
  3. inside ptsd, backstory
  4. inside ptsd, fleeing
  5. inside ptsd, two
  6. inside ptsd, remediation
  7. inside ptsd, three, rage
  8. inside ptsd, transaction costs
  9. time shift, inside the ptsd
  10. time shift three
  11. time shift two, still inside the ptsd
  12. inside ptsd, the addiction episode
  13. survive vs heal
  14. inside ptsd, body knows
  15. inside ptsd, body knows, part one
  16. one hour
  17. that same afternoon
  18. inside ptsd, more than a recollection
  19. inside ptsd, body knows 2
  20. acceptance.
  21. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
  22. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
  23. inside ptsd, a student of trauma
  24. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
  25. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
  26. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
  27. inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
  28. acute
  29. inside my midlife ptsd
  30. one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
  31. inside ptsd, mere survival
  32. inside ptsd, economics
  33. one day, at night, inside ptsd
  34. on the outside, looking in
  35. inside ptsd, in the wind
  36. inside ptsd, in the wind, two
  37. a is for anxiety
  38. inside ptsd, the last match
  39. inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
  40. inside ptsd, outside looking in
  41. Day Three, Haunted
  42. inside ptsd, what it is
  43. inside ptsd, it takes time
  44. inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
  45. before the aftermath

possibly related

What is staggering, is how true the details are, ptsd that is... triggered state.

Detail: rage. fuck rage.

Nasty energy that.

Not rage that emanates from me, but rage visited upon me.

OK, i bow. I accept. Rage exists. Rage writ large is nazi germany, is my lai vietnam, is that house around the corner...

rage is, and that alone should give us pause. rage, that explosion of angry violence directed at destruction, punishment and retribution. Targets are identified, if only at detonation, and damage is hoped for.

Like i said, fuck rage.

rage is hate plus deprivation and sometimes training.

But, it exists, so we deal with it. Best way? Open question, with many answers.

I had the universe's graces one night, when my friend daniel and i met alexandra in dc—she who runs the body-mind programs at walter reed. she said she works with the vets who come back with rage, from war, from training, from combat. Bless her and that work. we met b/c the universe is at times quite kind.

rage is Love missing plus betrayal. Rage is not fair, fuck you and i want mine!

rage is why did you hurt me so?

alexandra has four aims for her vets w/ rage:

  • Synchronization of Body and Mind
  • Eliciting the Relaxation Response
  • Facilitating Grounding
  • Bringing Breath Awareness



Rage inflicted—that is, rage felt, received, experienced on the inside by assault—is nasty. It hurts, first, and always. That's the point after all. It hurts in flesh, and diminishes—by design—whatever it contacts with. Rage exists in vast quantity, and even to word it gives it life. but, we shine the light of Love upon it, and it dims itself. It's that simple. All Love is more powerful for rage is an absence.

bottom line

That's the bottom line, the criterion that will be used on the last day to determine how much bargaining power you have going into the next life—if that is what you so desire. You fuck up in this life—hurt people and such—you almost have to come back to make things right. That malign energy will be fulfilled one way or another, so not evading, so come back to life and face your failings. Better yet, start now, and be Nice. Nice.


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