the "Inside PTSD" collection:
- inside ptsd
- inside ptsd, the mad list
- inside ptsd, backstory
- inside ptsd, fleeing
- inside ptsd, two
- inside ptsd, remediation
- inside ptsd, three, rage
- inside ptsd, transaction costs
- time shift, inside the ptsd
- time shift three
- time shift two, still inside the ptsd
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode
- survive vs heal
- inside ptsd, body knows
- inside ptsd, body knows, part one
- one hour
- that same afternoon
- inside ptsd, more than a recollection
- inside ptsd, body knows 2
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
- inside ptsd, a student of trauma
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
- inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
- inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
- inside my midlife ptsd
- one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
- inside ptsd, mere survival
- inside ptsd, economics
- one day, at night, inside ptsd
- on the outside, looking in
- inside ptsd, in the wind
- inside ptsd, in the wind, two
- a is for anxiety
- inside ptsd, the last match
- inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
- inside ptsd, outside looking in
- Day Three, Haunted
- inside ptsd, what it is
- inside ptsd, it takes time
- inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
- before the aftermath
i know it's not universally so, but many of us, myself at times, lump all addiction together. gambling addiction, sex addiction, pill addiction, food addiction, being an addict addiction.
for example, someone interested in a jagged, dangerous high might choose white powders. There's zero way for the lay person to assess purity or taintedness, and most people don't carry around mini-chemistry sets w/ them when they score. Why would anyone ever do that, buy a small vial of pulverized product of unknown provenance or ingredients, then either heat and mix that into a liquid to inject into the body's very own veins, or snorted with alacrity (there's no other way) into one's head right next to the brain, making sure to hit all the blood rich capillaries right next to the meninges?! Might as well just suck a bunch into a camel unfiltered and smoke the white powder into your lungs.
i can't remember well enough the few times i used white powders decades ago. I know i was scared, i know i did not in any way anticipate or expect to live another six months, so long-term consequences meant nothing. I wanted change and i wanted it fast, b/c whatever 'now' was sucked, hard.
this sort of addiction is radically different than a lady who attacks her body through food, either too much so as to drown the pain and deter the abuser or too little, to starve and punish the body for feeling so shitty all the time.
the mechanisms might be similar, the craving, and blood chemistry cycles that rise and fall and fall again, when the 'need' gets real and the battle is lost again. but the underlying impetus for each branch of intoxication is unique to the person, their daily life, their karmic momentum, the people in their lives, the stories they tell themselves, what it feels like to live in their body day after night after day.
we noted above three aspects of surrender:
- surrender to accept missing out (on the high, on friendships...)
- surrender to the need for help (this lifestyle is killing you)
- surrender to the need for spaciousness (a time out).
I believe that addiction is secondary to greater pain and turmoil underneath, and that not only must those at some level be visited eventually, if the goal is to help redirect people from addiction b/c said addiction is not doing folks enough good, you gotta substitute for the surrenders.
Plug for yoga and body-based mindfulness practices here, and props to amazing people helping bring safe surrender to even the fiercest, most truculent addicts.
some nice conclusion goes here.
ok, all for now. breathe deep, and stay grateful, bless, m