i investigate details, and motivation...

the "Inside PTSD" collection:

  1. inside ptsd
  2. inside ptsd, the mad list
  3. inside ptsd, backstory
  4. inside ptsd, fleeing
  5. inside ptsd, two
  6. inside ptsd, remediation
  7. inside ptsd, three, rage
  8. inside ptsd, transaction costs
  9. time shift, inside the ptsd
  10. time shift three
  11. time shift two, still inside the ptsd
  12. inside ptsd, the addiction episode
  13. survive vs heal
  14. inside ptsd, body knows
  15. inside ptsd, body knows, part one
  16. one hour
  17. that same afternoon
  18. inside ptsd, more than a recollection
  19. inside ptsd, body knows 2
  20. acceptance.
  21. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 2
  22. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 3
  23. inside ptsd, a student of trauma
  24. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4a
  25. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 4b
  26. inside ptsd, the addiction episode, part 5
  27. inside ptsd, more than a recollection, part 2
  28. acute
  29. inside my midlife ptsd
  30. one day—the daylight part—inside ptsd
  31. inside ptsd, mere survival
  32. inside ptsd, economics
  33. one day, at night, inside ptsd
  34. on the outside, looking in
  35. inside ptsd, in the wind
  36. inside ptsd, in the wind, two
  37. a is for anxiety
  38. inside ptsd, the last match
  39. inside ptsd, addicted to addiction
  40. inside ptsd, outside looking in
  41. Day Three, Haunted
  42. inside ptsd, what it is
  43. inside ptsd, it takes time
  44. inside ptsd, the plea for understanding
  45. before the aftermath

possibly related

details matter

i know it's not universally so, but many of us, myself at times, lump all addiction together. gambling addiction, sex addiction, pill addiction, food addiction, being an addict addiction.

for example, someone interested in a jagged, dangerous high might choose white powders. There's zero way for the lay person to assess purity or taintedness, and most people don't carry around mini-chemistry sets w/ them when they score. Why would anyone ever do that, buy a small vial of pulverized product of unknown provenance or ingredients, then either heat and mix that into a liquid to inject into the body's very own veins, or snorted with alacrity (there's no other way) into one's head right next to the brain, making sure to hit all the blood rich capillaries right next to the meninges?! Might as well just suck a bunch into a camel unfiltered and smoke the white powder into your lungs.

i can't remember well enough the few times i used white powders decades ago. I know i was scared, i know i did not in any way anticipate or expect to live another six months, so long-term consequences meant nothing. I wanted change and i wanted it fast, b/c whatever 'now' was sucked, hard.

this sort of addiction is radically different than a lady who attacks her body through food, either too much so as to drown the pain and deter the abuser or too little, to starve and punish the body for feeling so shitty all the time.

what impels?

the mechanisms might be similar, the craving, and blood chemistry cycles that rise and fall and fall again, when the 'need' gets real and the battle is lost again. but the underlying impetus for each branch of intoxication is unique to the person, their daily life, their karmic momentum, the people in their lives, the stories they tell themselves, what it feels like to live in their body day after night after day.


we noted above three aspects of surrender:

  • surrender to accept missing out (on the high, on friendships...)
  • surrender to the need for help (this lifestyle is killing you)
  • surrender to the need for spaciousness (a time out).

I believe that addiction is secondary to greater pain and turmoil underneath, and that not only must those at some level be visited eventually, if the goal is to help redirect people from addiction b/c said addiction is not doing folks enough good, you gotta substitute for the surrenders.

Plug for yoga and body-based mindfulness practices here, and props to amazing people helping bring safe surrender to even the fiercest, most truculent addicts.

some nice conclusion goes here.

ok, all for now. breathe deep, and stay grateful, bless, m


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